Hello KSKOers
Today’s blog is inspired by a thought I had whilst chopping vegetables the other day. There are two phrases we often hear bandied about regarding leadership, that I just don’t agree with. Join me as I jump on my soap box to debunk the myths that ‘leadership is a lonely place’ and ‘I’m not here to make friends’.
Looking forward to joining you on your learning journey!
“Leadership is a lonely place!”. It conjures up images of people at the top of organisations, carrying responsibility, making difficult decisions and feeling that the weight of those decisions sits solely with them. It feels like a phrase from the time when hero leaders were worshiped like organisational saviours.
Leadership does involve responsibility of course, and there are moments where difficult judgement calls have to be made. But to move from that reality to the conclusion that leadership is inherently lonely feels like an outdated idea that’s had its day. It should be banished to the back of the wardrobe along with shoulder pads and neon socks.
From my research into self-awareness and leader effectiveness, one thing became consistently clear: leadership does not exist in isolation. It exists in relation to others. I’m firmly of the view that you can’t be a leader in an empty room. Leadership is socially constructed and you can only be a leader when others choose to follow you.
When leadership feels lonely, it’s less about the role and more about the conditions surrounding it: the conditions that the leader has created. It can reflect a lack of meaningful connection with others, a lack of trust within relationships, or a lack of awareness about how one’s own behaviour is shaping those dynamics.
In other words, loneliness is not an inevitable feature of leadership. It is more often than not, a by-product of disconnection between the leader and everyone else.
What I found particularly interesting in my research was that effective leaders could be found at all levels of organisations. Leadership was not confined to those at the most senior level – leaders emerged throughout all levels of organisations, wherever individuals represented others and amassed followers. That finding alone challenges the idea that leadership is a solitary experience reserved for those at the top.
What may be more accurate is ‘making difficult decisions on your own is a lonely job’.
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