Road Blocks and Fairy Goth Mothers: The Hidden Costs of Toxic Workplaces

Hello KSKOers

This week, a conversation reminded me of an old story I’ve wanted to to share with you – my lived experience of micromanagement, bullying, and working with unpleasant colleagues. It’s a theme that has replayed through my career, sometimes painfully, but always with lessons that eventually made me a stronger, more self-aware leader.

Looking forward to joining you on your learning journey!

The First Word

I’ve had my fair share of difficult managers. Some came from the “old school” of management: you did what you were told, and your work existed to serve the boss, not the organisation or the customer. One in particular, let’s call them Steep Gradient, was a bully. As I wrote in my book, they “came from the old school of management where people did what you told them and work was in service to the boss. They were a bully, plain and simple”. It took me years to recover, not just professionally but emotionally too.

By contrast, I also worked alongside colleagues who weren’t managers at all but were true leaders. I call one the Fairy Goth Mother: “They had the ability to act as a go-between and translate worker worries into management speak and translate manager speak into ‘What they’re really trying to say is…’”. Those experiences highlighted the chasm between bullying “bosses” and genuine leaders.

Toxic Leadership in Disguise

Micromanagers often wear their behaviour like armour. They believe control equals competence. In reality, it creates defensiveness, mistrust, and emotional exhaustion. My research found that “behaviours like over-controlling tendencies, abrasiveness, arrogance, and alienation are common barriers to positive working relationships”.

Bullying goes further. It’s not always the obvious shouting or public dressing down. Sometimes it’s insidious: exclusion from opportunities, using personal details to undermine staff, or standing by while others are……